Have you ever felt like you’re trying to build a friendship with someone, but for some reason, the connection just isn’t "clicking"? We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re texting a new friend but never quite know what to say, or you’re trying to catch up with an old acquaintance but the conversation feels a bit forced.
When it comes to our spiritual lives, many of us feel that same way about our relationship with God. We want to get to know Jesus, but sometimes it feels like we’re missing a secret ingredient. We read the verses, we say the prayers, but we wonder, "How do I know if Jesus knows me?" or "Am I doing this right?"
First off, let us give you a big hug (at least a digital one!). It is so wonderful that you have the desire to know Jesus more deeply. That hunger in your heart is actually a gift! But just like any relationship, there are a few common "potholes" we can accidentally step into.
In this post, we’re going to look at three common mistakes people make when they are getting to know Jesus and how we can gently shift our focus to find that beautiful, personal connection we all crave.
1. Treating Jesus Like a Subject to Study Instead of a Person to Love
We live in a world where we can Google anything. If we want to learn about a historical figure or a new hobby, we watch videos, read articles, and memorize facts. It’s easy to bring that same "student" mindset into our faith.
Many of us think that to know Christ, we just need to memorize enough Bible verses or understand complex theology. While learning about the Bible is amazing and necessary, there is a big difference between knowing about someone and actually knowing them.
Think about your best friend. You probably know their favorite color and where they grew up, but you know them because you’ve shared meals, laughed until your sides hurt, and walked through hard times together. How to know Jesus personally is very similar. It’s not just about the data; it’s about the presence.
The Fix:
Try approaching your Bible reading not as a textbook study, but as a letter from a friend. Before you open the Word, say a simple prayer: "Jesus, help me see Your heart today." Look for His character in the stories. Ask Him questions as you read. This shifts the focus from "information" to "intimacy."
2. Talking "At" Jesus Instead of Talking "With" Him
If you’ve ever asked, "How do you get to know Jesus?" you’ve probably been told to pray. And that’s 100% correct! Prayer is the "telephone line" of our relationship with Him. However, a common mistake is treating prayer like a grocery list or a formal presentation.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of using "religious" language that we don't use anywhere else. We might recite the same phrases every day, or only come to Him when we need something fixed. While Jesus loves to hear our needs, a one-sided conversation where we just "recite" at Him doesn't help us get to know Jesus as a friend.
Getting to know Jesus involves listening just as much as talking. If you spend your whole "prayer time" talking, you might miss that still, small voice trying to encourage your heart or give you peace.
The Fix:
Try "conversational prayer." Talk to Him throughout your day just like you would to someone sitting in the car with you. Tell Him about the sunset, tell Him you’re stressed about a meeting, and then, this is the big part, give yourself a moment of silence to just "be" with Him.
If you're struggling with how to start these conversations, Dr. T. L. Driver has a wonderful Prayer Series that walks you through how to talk to God from the heart. Books like Teach Me to Pray: Lessons from Scripture are perfect for moving past those "rote" prayers and into real connection.
3. Relying on Church "Busy-ness" Instead of Quiet Time
One of the more positive outcomes of being part of a church is all the ways we can serve. We love seeing people volunteer their time! But sometimes, we mistake "doing things for Jesus" with "spending time with Jesus."
We can be so busy at the bake sale, the choir rehearsal, or the community cleanup that we forget to actually sit at His feet. We might think, "Well, I spent four hours at church today, so I’m definitely getting closer to Him." But if those four hours were spent purely on tasks and not on the Person, our souls can end up feeling a bit empty.
How to get to know Jesus isn't about how many committees you're on; it’s about the quiet moments where it’s just you and Him. We need those "Mary moments" (sitting and listening) to fuel our "Martha moments" (serving and doing).
The Fix:
Set aside a "Sacred Five." Even if it’s just five minutes a day, dedicate it to being still. This is why we created our "Take 5" video series. These are short, powerful messages designed to help you refocus your heart on Christ in the middle of a busy day. When we prioritize these small moments of connection, our service to others becomes an overflow of love rather than a chore.
Why This Matters: How Do I Know if Jesus Knows Me?
You might be wondering, "I’m trying my best, but how do I know if Jesus knows me?"
The beautiful truth is that Jesus already knows everything about you! He knows the number of hairs on your head and the secret dreams in your heart. When we talk about how to know Christ, we aren't trying to "introduce" ourselves to Him: He’s the one who invited us into the relationship in the first place!
The "knowing" becomes mutual when we begin to recognize His voice in our lives. As we avoid these common mistakes, we start to notice His peace during a storm, His nudge to help a neighbor, and His comfort when we feel lonely. That's when you know the relationship is real.
Let’s Take the Next Step Together
If you’ve felt a bit stuck lately, don’t be discouraged. Every great friendship takes time to grow, and your relationship with Jesus is the most important one you’ll ever have. We want to support you every step of the way!
Here are two simple ways to keep your momentum going today:
- Dive into the Word and Prayer: If you want a guided path, check out Dr. T. L. Driver's Prayer Series bookstore. The 3-book series, including The Prayers of the Prophets, is a fantastic resource to help you understand how men and women of faith have connected with God for thousands of years.
- Tune in for Daily Encouragement: Subscribe to the TLDM YouTube channel. Whether you watch the full Prayer Series videos or just catch a quick Take 5 message, these resources are designed to help you know Jesus personally in a way that fits into your modern life.
Remember, the goal isn't perfection: it’s presence. Jesus isn't looking for a perfect student; He’s looking for a willing friend. So, take a deep breath, set aside the "mistakes" of the past, and just start a conversation with Him today. He’s already listening!
For more resources on your journey, feel free to explore our How to Know Jesus page. We are so glad you are part of our community!